Blog, Diary, Fashion


8:55 pm 03月12日

A question that seems to stir up a young adult frequently is, “If you could go back in time, what would you change and why?”

This reveals many things to me about how a person is. How they handle things and what depths from them have hindered their growth in certain ways. Their grudges, secrets, regrets & personalities.

I dance through this question from time to time, too. Like everyone, I have my own set of doubts that stir me inside. But honestly, I don’t think I have an answer to that question. I know that despite certain things in my life terribly not going as planned, I don’t think I would’ve twisted it in any other way. I guess it’s a matter of acceptance about how I am vs. how I was, maybe. Perhaps it’s because I knew that in each very thing that I didn’t like that happened, I eventually got to understand that if I had the chance to go back, I would’ve done the same thing.

And I think that’s a bit sad.. but in a way it feels free, too.

They have happened but so have I. In every sow, I reaped something new about myself that I’ve never seen before.

I’ve been through a handful things. I know I will go through a lot more. And that is okay. That was me. This is also me. Out of my own will and sincerity, and I wouldn’t have done it any other way. No matter how sucky that sounds. They happened for a reason ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And now, I’m still alive. Still drifting. Braver, perhaps? Still curious. Still tired. But alive (barely).



Outfit Details

Inner Top – Shimokitazawa, Japan
Top – Copper
Skirt – Shimokitazawa, Japan / Milk Club

Socks – Topshop
Shoes – Adidas
Beret – Yoins*
Glasses – Trend Depot
Lenses – LensFlavors*


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  • Reply Joyce Huang 2017年03月14日 at 8:32 am

    *sigh, it makes me sad to answer that question because I’ve never had regrets until recently. If I could turn back time, I’d go back to when I got an acceptance letter to a better high school, but declined it. Instead, I went to a local high school that didn’t challenge me academically and I ended up meeting toxic people that I only finally cut off a few months ago. In this high school, I also met my first love who I actually didn’t start talking to until college. When I opened up to him that I had depression, he left me. I’m still very traumatized by this and am scared to love anyone anymore. I don’t want to be in that vulnerable state of getting hurt. And because of the trauma, I still can’t get over him till this day. Hes definitely left a scar.

    • Reply naominikola 2017年03月14日 at 1:57 pm

      Hey Joyce, I won’t say that I fully understand how you feel, but I do know that you’re not alone with them. tbh I also had a bit of similar experiences like that. If I had things I almost regret (or want to), the biggest would probably not choosing the right university from the start. That uni had my 2nd dream course, but I chose to go to a different one which was okay, and I mainly chose it because it was 3 years, which meant I could finally come study in my dream course in Japan sooner (parent’s conditions is to graduate here first). I hated it. Almost all my friends chose the first University, my first boyfriend too. I was alone, and I couldn’t relate to most people there. It was too far from my home, I felt alone for the most part, and the whole school system was really flawed. My anxiety got worse, and the system was really not for me. Academic-wise, it was great, but the school really fucked me over and basically I wasted 3 years. I wasn’t even close to graduating yet because of certain things beyond my control. My first love, too, ended really bad. We’ve been together for half a decade, but when we separated schools I found out for the last 2 years he was falling for other girls lol. I almost regret not breaking up with him the first time we talked about it before separating schools. I’m putting these experiences in more simple, cheerful terms but these really traumatized me, that’s for sure. But i’m really trying not to. And ah, I don’t know. Looking back, I can see that maybe I did need these to learn. It really did shape me to how I am now, and I know that if I didn’t have to go through that, and all the other stuff i’ve been through, I wouldn’t be where I am now. I don’t think I would be blogging. I use blogging as a platform to escape. I don’t think I would’ve had certain opportunities, meet certain people, or even just be how I am with myself. Would we still be together now if I chose the same school as him? Would things have been better if I just stood my ground and told my parents what I wanted from the start? Would I have been happier if things turned out differently? Who knows. Good or bad, I know I got stronger because of them I guess. At least that’s what i’m hoping anyway ^^

      • Reply Joyce Huang 2017年03月14日 at 10:00 pm

        Thank you Naomi! Your reply gave me hope as I realize I’m still on the road to recovery and it certainly takes time. Btw, what’s the first song on the playlist? I’m totally digging it. (:

        • Reply naominikola 2017年03月15日 at 4:41 pm

          It’s a full mix on yt! The first track of the mix is Al. – al x nooon. – stoopss I believe c:

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